It’s 1AM, and I am postal
Is Postal the proper term for someone who is posting? I don’t know. It’s late and I am delirious. The postal term has a double entendre for me tonight. I want to ‘go postal’ on my mother’s doctors and hospital. You know the ICD they implanted last week? Well, they tested it today and apparently it wasn’t wired correctly, so it is firing off in her heart and causing pain. So guess what? They have to re-do the surgery! I am so angry and distressed about this. She is heartsick, because she was doing so well, and now they have to do the whole thing over again, and it is no piece of cake like they said it would be.
My mother is the survivor of a massive heart attack. She is a walking miracle to begin with. Her heart is operating on only about 30% of its capacity, but she has the energy of a teenager and has never let it slow her down. So ANY surgery or procedure is touch-and-go for a woman who literally died and was shocked back so they could do emergency open heart surgery. And now they have to put her through it AGAIN! When the device was implanted last week, the doctor sung the praises and said everything looked great, went great, and was a complete success. Psych!!! Guess not, huh?
She said tonight that it was so upsetting, because she was doing so well. Then she went in for a checkup, they ran their little tests, and said that some number had dropped and they scheduled this ICD to be implanted right away. Granted, with her history, having the defibrillator is probably not a bad idea, but still the surgery is stressful. Plus they pump her full of antibiotics and other drugs, and of course there is the anesthesia–all of which is very rough on the body and hard to recover from, even for the healthiest person. She was really out of it last week when she came out of the surgery. She didn’t remember talking to us in her room when we first visited.
Now she has to go through it all again. She can’t raise her left arm, because she is still so sore and bruised. She can’t resume normal activities for six weeks, which will now be six MORE weeks, instead of being well on her way to recovery. The surgeons aren’t gentle putting these things in. They make a 3-inch incision between the left collarbone and shoulder, and then reach in with their hands and ‘hollow out’ a pocket for the device. They just ream it out by scooping a space out of the flesh. Well, that’s not particularly pleasant! And it leaves the patient very sore. Mom has bruising reaching all the way from her left shoulder down her left ribcage.
I guess you can tell I am upset. As anyone who knows me is well aware of—I don’t trust conventional medicine, doctors, drugs, and hospitals at all. And I refuse to see a conventional doctor for anything. This is another example of why I feel this way. I have observed the idiocy, arrogance, and incompetence all my life, starting with my grandmother’s heart attack when I was 11 years old. (That’s an entire blog story in itself. I will have to share that sometime so you can understand where all my skepticism and distrust of doctors stems from.)
Allopathic medicine is great for crisis management. If I am in a car wreck, then the emergency room and surgeons are the best thing in the world, and the things they do to save people’s lives is truly astounding. God bless them. But conventional medicine is not only completely ignorant and horribly inept at promoting and maintaining good health and preventing disease, they actually CAUSE much suffering and needless pain, sickness and incredible expense in terms of outlandishly expensive treatments & drugs, lost time, lost wages, etc. You get a six-minute encounter with someone in a white lab coat, quickly tell them your symptoms and POOF! They magically diagnose you and write a prescription for the latest and greatest drugs with the best kickbacks, perks, and golf vacations to Hawaii. Many doctors DO care about their patients and truly want to help, but the system is so broken that it just can’t be fixed. It needs to be scrapped and a new paradigm arise in its place. A paradigm of partnership, where physicians are trained in holistic nutrition and treatments, so they can help their patients achieve and maintain vibrant health, before resorting to toxic drugs, unnecessary surgeries, and especially ‘treatments’ (term used extremely loosely) that make patients sicker, like chemotherapy.
I feel so powerless. I want to rip someone’s throat out, but what can I do? What recourse do we have? The thing is misfiring and needs to be fixed, and the only way to fix it is to reset it through another surgery. Now that the cursed thing is implanted, there’s no going back. I just wish it had never been done in the first place. But if it isn’t there, and she does suffer another defibrillation in her heart, then she could die before she receives treatment. They live an hour from a major town or medical facilities. So what do you do? It’s too late. She already had the heart attack. The prevention wasn’t done and so the consequences have been suffered.
The price for the years of poor nutrition is brutally high. And it’s not just the person who suffers. The ones who love them suffer deeply, as they hurt when they see their loved one suffer. We have all heard of people with emphysema and lung cancer who will take off their oxygen mask to smoke a cigarette, because the ‘addiction is too strong’. How selfish. They are hurting the ones closest to them more than themselves. It’s the same with food. People know they are sick and yet refuse to give up the very things that caused the sickness to begin with.
Is it really that the addiction is so strong, or the will to live is so weak? Are most people so unhappy that their very instinct to survive is lost? Is it that the addiction provides so much relief from the pain of life that they are willing to accept the suffering of disease and degradation of their bodies in exchange? Is it that life isn’t worth living to them, so the greatest joys they have are destructive habits of food, cigarettes, alcohol and drugs? It has to be. It has to start with emotional breakdowns. No other animal on earth purposely destroys its own body, taking in substances that it knows are harmful and toxic, and yet continues to do so despite the known consequences. Only humans seem to enjoy destroying our bodies, defending the toxins vehemently and refusing to stop the behaviors, making jokes about it and knowingly continuing to ingest processed foods, chemicals, toxins and pure-out poisons.
Life is so precious. Yet the world today treats life with no respect, no value, and no love. Someone very dear to me recently lashed out at me for my eating habits, saying that I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and that what I was doing was stupid. That I should ‘enjoy life’ more. I responded that if I do get hit by a bus, that I would die in the prime of my life, free of pain, free of disease, fully functioning in every aspect of my physical body, in vibrant health and boundless energy, enjoying life and love. To me, enjoying fabulous health beats the heck out of the transient pleasure of toxic foods that lead to disease and suffering. Been there, done that, got the surgery scars. No thanks. I choose a vibrant life. Nobody controls the length of their life, but they certainly control the quality. This person responded that they didn’t wantto live very long, and that they were going to enjoy theirselves while they can. How incredibly sad. Do most people feel this way? That life isn’t worth fighting for, isn’t worth living?
I could go into a diatribe here about how to create meaning and purpose in life, but many people go before me who are much more articulate and educated than I am. Seek them out. Learn from them. Apply what you learned. I just feel that to have a great life, you have to have a great purpose. Otherwise, what is life but mere existence? Maybe your purpose is enjoying your great-grandchildren and being able to play with them as well as you did with your own children. Maybe you want to reach out in love and generosity to help those less fortunate. Maybe you want to accomplish great things and change the world. Maybe you just want to relax and spend time soaking up the sun enjoying the fabulous beauty of nature. Whatever it is, your purpose is the key to a life worth living.
And remember, when you are the most down, focus on others. There is no better way to feel better than to help someone else. Never look down at anyone unless you are helping them up.
So many people are hurting right now. They are losing their jobs, their homes, their possessions. I can certainly understand why they feel life is a painful prison and isn’t worth living. Life is full of challenges, and some of those are horribly painful. I wasted many years of my own life focusing on the pain and negativity, before I learned that it was my choice. By changing my focus, I began to attract beauty, happiness and love into my life. If you haven’t seen or read The Secret, get it now. It’s so true. You get what you focus on. Focus on your strengths. Focus on your power, your freedom, your unique qualities, and most of all the blessings you have now. Be grateful. Every day look for things to be grateful about, and focus on those.
I am grateful I still have my dear mother here with us. The last three years have been a miracle, and I am grateful for that. I am also grateful that nearly losing her shocked me and forced me into the mindset of treasuring every moment. Loving without boundaries. Spending truly quality time. Being fully in the moment, every moment we are together. Having the opportunity to be of service and to help her when I can. These are all blessings that have arisen from near tragedy. This is what I choose to focus on.
And as for the ’sickness’ industry, watch out. I am going postal on you. I am fighting for my health, and for the health of all those I can reach. I will not stand by quietly. I will misbehave, I will cause a ruckus, and I WILL defy you.
Fight for your health. Be Defiant!
Blessings, love and light to you all,
Christy
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